I'm gonna be honest in this journal. ALSO FFS DEVIANTART I FUCKING HATE YOU. Always changes and now i have absolutely NO clue how it works anymore.
Also as i havent been online at-all. Seeing this just makes my head hurts, or gives me cancer, I dont even know.
Ok rant on DA's horrible lay out is over.
There is a reason why I'm hardly online anymore.
I'ts not because im not 'over' the BJD hobby, i love bjds. But.. I just cant stand looking at them anymore.
Why? Because i cant buy any, or any bjd related things. It took me a while to realize AND be honest about this.
But my mental health has been a roller coaster and its still disabling me from having a steady job, and right now i dont have any. And our ecomony sucks, and no decent paying jobs are hiring.
(if theyd even let me in) whatever, its just shit, thats the point of the story, and to make it less short.
I'm so sorry.
I cant do this anymore...
I can barely buy my own food. I wish i was overreacting, but I'm not.
Living on your own is so tough, and even my friends often (i think) dont realize this. And it makes me even more depressed.
It's really a downwards spiral, and i guess me quitting isn't a surprise at all.
I just dont want to be reminded of my own damn misfortune and i hope thats not too hard to understand.
I see people putting up "gofundme.com" for the most. Unimportant things in life, and it just crushes my soul "help me save up for a new camera"
No offense but i just find it a bit rude... Whilst theres people funding through there, for like medical bills and it could potentially save a life.
I dont see how a camera can. -I'm sorry if this offends who'm ever put up a gofundme for that, cuz frankly its none of my business, and what peopel use it for, is their thing.
I'm just stating my opinion.
That being said I just cant do the same thing.
For what? So i have people funding me to buy new bjd things? Only in a perfect world will this happen. And i dont want people to give me charity, because in the end it would make me feel like I'm running off with your money, it doesn't feel right.
I'd love to do faceups and make money off of that, but finding out it will only cost ME more in the end, has made me backfire on that as well.
The postal has gotten rediculous here, not only with expenses, but also me living 9 high in a appartment complex. Our postal is shitty, and i dont want to have people with dolls gone missing.
Cuz my mail gets missing all the time.
This is a dead end.
And it makes me extremely sad.
I really dont know what to do anymore, and for months i've dreaded writing this journal.
I still am and I really dont feel like submitting, cuz this way the fun can continue? No...
At some point i will start selling dolls, to get by, even more soul crushing..
Considdering the only team i have left now. Are my favs and those i considder, that i cant let go..
Once i figured out a decent price, Len is gonna go.
Again breaks my heart, also breaking up a family (hes Eden's son)
But I'd like my cats to eat as well.
Yes it's getting to those extremes...
I'll probably offer all the clothes that i have for him.
He's my only MSD sized doll.. So ya.
If there's any takers let me know. While i think of a price.
Edit: also for those who are interest. I try to actually make some money through gaming streams.
Gaming has gotten me out of horrible depression before. And it's my own escape from this shitty world sometimes.
Words cant describe how much i love this hobby, so even if you dont donate, really i could care less. But still feel like seeing how I'm doing?www.twitch.tv/pindakees/profil…
click link to my Twitch Stream.
My parents were nice enough to gift me a PS4... Which seriously means a lot to me because we were starving just to save up for one (lol)
Now we got it, which was a huge weight off my chest. And hoping that if people like me enough on twitch, i could make some money on that.
But mostly i appreciate the love i got so far for it, and interacting with people on there.
So if anyone on here likes games, and also enjoys watching people play some, hit that sub button.