It's the countdown to his birthday, and his first year being with me. And he deserved to have a new, or well. Adjusted face-up. And now that I did it I remember why I love him so much. And I'm happy I finally captured a picture of him that's once again gloomy, but describes him better then I had tried before. To me. Even when this is not the most intrueging shot. I think. It shows the anger and sadness he puts away, always and keeps inside of him.
So I challenged myself to make each photo count. As this being just to show his new adjustments off. I am going to sit my ass down, and write you a story who Mari really is. And I want to start doing it with each character. So here's Mari, I think my most detailed character that I own.
So, instead of telling you what Mari loves to do, what his hobbies are. I will just describe what Mari really does, and what makes him tick.
Well firstly making another thing clear: Mari is a twin, and his brother lives across the ocean. They were seperated when their parents split up. From a young age, and Mari has been dealing with this ever since as well. I think, this is where his depression slowly started. Under the surface.
Mari is blinde on one eye (his right) not the one you can see right now. This was due to a car accident on his 20th, he was driving. Even though there was nothing he could do to stop it, it had cost him more then he wanted to. Him and his friends got hit by another car trying to cut in on their line. Mari wasn't paying attention to said car and to his friend on the passanger side, nonetheless the reckless driver up front couldn't care for shit and drove them off the road, into the railing. It caused the front window to burst, he hit his head on the wheel and got a lot of his glass in his face, and unfortunately. His eye. The worst part for him is he was still better off then his two buddies. (worst part for HIM?) yes. Because he still lives with the guilt of his friends, one who is still in a wheelchair. And the other who got severe head trauma/damage and broken arms which he still cant use 100% but he's getting better.
It changed his life around completely. He got more reliable on others, and a really big angst for driving. Whilst he was actually growing more solitude, a hermit. He needed friends, family or lovers the most. And started to push people away. Not wanting to hurt anyone anymore. Or wanted anyone to hurt him back. He stopped giving love a chance as he was screwed up way too much in the past (small reminder, he was with Nolan for a verrrrry long time) and he moved away without a word. Though their relationship was already slipping before that anyway. Nolan paid no more mind to Mari, he was too busy. With his work, school, everything. Mari began to stray from Nolan and other principles, getting in trouble, fucking friend's boyfriends. Get into fights due to it. And basically just allowing his body to anyone who was willing to take it.
He moved away from home. Re-united with Nolan after all those years. It was a slow process, Mari began to fell in love with him again. But at the same time, not putting his hopes up. They shared such a history, and they were both 'their first'... There was a connection there. However Nolan was still as busy as always, pleading he was sorry to Mari and he had missed him so, after so much time had passed. But soon Nolan just got back into his old routine again. Left Mari alone, but offered him a job, and a room to stay in. Because Mari was left with nothing. He left London to pretty much flee from the bullshit, friends and those who he betrayed. For now. He was content.
Or so he thought.
He found himself a new bar, to hang out, meet up with people. And with meeting one a whole new world opened. And a not so good one either. For him. And once more, he foolishly gave love another shot. And he went all the way with it, getting so carried away, he lost himself in it. And had zero zelf respect left after the guy dumped him for someone else. Even though they werent together for long, this has just left him crushed, his depression severed. Already a little while before the man cut the tieds, he started to harm himself. Drowning himself in misery and taking it out on his skin. Tears were no longer enough, he was so done. Drama, after drama, more problems, so much pain.
He began to thought he was suposed to die that very day. At the car crash, his life was such a let down, HE.. was suposed to die that day. For the horror he put his friends through (in his eyes) still there was nothing he could do.
A new friend he made helped him through it. Fell in love.. Even. How could this be, he thought, another change. But he didn't believe in it anymore, he grew skittish towards the whole concept of love. Not trusting anything about it anymore. But still it worked.
But more drama ensued, the other wanted him back, and so they kept being off.. And on.. Off and on...
He still hasn't made up his mind untill this very day.
But not only this, has left him with completely nothing. No perminant job. No graduation from school, just so completely empty. Only the people he can rely on. And again just pushes away, thinking that once he does have the courage to end it all. People wont be so sad to see him go. Nothing completes him anymore. It seems. There's no joy or hope to be found in him. And in the meantime he just keeps on punishing himself.
It kind of aches me to have such a character. I feel like I'm torturing him. But really, when I started to roleplay him, he just totally came to life. Even though it got worse, he just got so under my skin. And I love every bit of his story. And everyone who has written along with me to this point.
Anyways, to make a decent end to this comment section. This is a song that's kind of... Typical for me right now, on how I see Mari. Or how he's thinking. Not sure, but I just love the song. And the lyrics really match Mari. [link]